Posted by: Wink | September 19, 2008

The Incarceration of Sam McGee…with apologies to Robert Service.

For my Mother — in honor of her only crime. Yes, this is a true story!

There are strange things done in the noonday sun by folks taking trash to the dump;
New England towns have their ups and downs and their oddball pains in the rump;
Old Yankee types have seen queer sites but the queerest they ever did see
Was that day at the dump when Warren got pumped and locked in Sam McGee.

Now Sam McGee was a codger, you see, with no teeth to fill his gums
Overalls he wore, from a second hand store, and he hung around with bums
He was always chewin, tobacco spewin, and his beard was grizzled and gray
And he’d often drawl, as he sat on the wall, “Dump work gets lousy pay”.

One day, sorting trash, Sam suffered a gash that tore him near his ear
and now, even still, after years at the ‘fill it gave his face a sneer.
All those summer guests with their polartec vests and SUV’s – Sam couldn’t take it
Well, he’d had enough and was feeling tough and wanted to make a statement

Each day at one when his work was done Sam drove to the gate and locked it
He drove back, bored, then parked his Ford and took his lunch from his pocket.
A half hour was what his contract said for lunch was his allowance
Since Sam enjoyed being well employed he believed in full compliance.

One normal day, during the dumping fray, came a lake visitor for the summer
Warren ( a she) was her name, you see and she was a very late comer.
In she drove near one, when Sam’s clock was done, and went about dumping her load
when she went to leave, can you believe, he’d locked the gate at the end of the road?

When Warren returned, she quickly learned that Sam was busy eating
He told her to wait, he’d drive out to the gate and unlock it after his feeding.
Sam watched her stew, her temper brew, but despite her plaintive pleas
he didn’t give a twit for her angry fit and relished being a tease.

With Warren detained, all that remained, was waiting for lunchbreak to end
Warren sat in the car thinking this is on par with being locked up in the pen.
How dare he treat her like meat in a cleaver, a taxpaying citizen, she
As he continued to munch, her panties got in a bunch, and she thought, “this is unfair to me!”

Warren was clever and she almost never found herself outdone
Sam didn’t know that he stood toe to toe with a woman who always won
After she’d gone, he sang a short song, enjoying her ire and woe
Thinking, “these summer folks are such snotty pokes, sometimes they need to eat crow.”

Well, Warren’s methodical and diabolical and she came up with a plot
she’d fix old Sam, put him in a jam, she’d cook his goose in a pot
Her husband, Paul, didn’t like it at all, he said what if you get caught?
They’ll hang you down at the jail in town and that noose will be mighty taut.

Well a woman crossed carries a very high cost, and Warren was not deterred
The following day, she slipped away, and bought some supplies (so we heard)
And right at one, Warren had some fun, after Sam locked the gate for his meal
She stealthily slunk, just like a skunk, with a lock and a cable of steel!

There are strange things done in the noonday sun by folks taking trash to the dump;
New England towns have their ups and downs and their oddball pains in the rump;
Old Yankee types have seen queer sites but the queerest they ever did see
Was that day at the dump when Warren got pumped and locked in Sam McGee.

bike-lock-cable

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